Solitary Strength: Avoidant Attatchment

In this series, I explore my journey with avoidant attachment through the symbolism of the cactus. Growing up, I was conditioned to view love as a threat to my freedom and autonomy. Like a cactus in a harsh landscape, I learned to maintain distance in relationships, fiercely guarding my independence.

As a working-class trans person, the cactus represents my resilience and self-reliance. When my family and church environment became unsafe, I isolated myself, developing a protective shell of independence. This skill served me well, allowing me to endure and thrive in challenging circumstances.

The desolate terrain in my paintings symbolizes both freedom and opportunity. It's a space where personal boundaries are respected, allowing room for growth and self-discovery. Yet, it also reflects the emotional distance I've created.

Now, I find myself at a crossroads. I'm questioning whether this hard-earned self-reliance still serves its protective purpose or if it's keeping me unnecessarily distant from those I love. Through this series, I invite viewers to contemplate with me: When does independence become isolation? How do we balance self-protection with connection?

This work celebrates the strength found in solitude while acknowledging the human need for connection. It's an exploration of the delicate balance between maintaining our individual selves and opening up to others.